I’ve been loving this daily posting routine.
It’s really sped up the deciphering of my own mystery and understanding how best to present my answer to the world.
Funny thing is, you’re in the same fight.
You start by looking without, to gather the pieces and perspectives you may need to wage this war.
Then a saturation point is reached. And the only way the fight will turn in your favor is when you start digging deeper within.
It then becomes simply a matter of interpreting the data, within the context of what you’re trying to achieve.
And I do all I can to keep this fact clear
There’s even been a quote on my wall, over a year now, just waiting for me to experience it fully:
We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
Those words suggest a finality. Answer obtained. Work done.
That’s not case. And most of us know this to be true.
There is a pause, in which we celebrate and enjoy what we’ve built or attained. Then the itch just takes a new form.
We have to start growing again.
And an ever steady, increasing awareness of details, as well as a better comprehension of the complexity underlying it all, continues to fascinate me the longer I apply myself to this process.
Let me frame it better for you
My whole life has been a striving; an obsessive attempt to get clear on what I want to be when I grow up.
I’ve been solidly aware of this for ten years or so. And I’m 47 right now.
I battle myself to get to a place where I can state my value briefly and succinctly.
I’ve been close many times.
Then various doubts, shinier objects, incredible advice from trusting sources (in short–variables) present themselves to me in a way that create further confusion.
I go from a tight orbit of ideas and plans to an explosive flinging outward of thought and purpose, only to have to re-tether myself to a grain of the original idea, so I can start reeling myself back in.
And that original grain is one of New Beginnings
I have worked so hard at making a new path, one that addresses all my needs and fulfills all my desires, that I sometimes get lost in the soup of it all.
I have learned so much that it’s often too much.
Then the Great Distillation begins anew, as it has probably a hundred times by now, if not more.
In case you’re wondering, that journey looks like this:
- Forty jobs
- Multiple attempts at MLM success
- Ponzi Scheme victim, (the largest ever perpetrated in the state of Florida, no less!)
- Partner and semi-partner in multiple ventures, both online and off
- Intense addictions
- Even more intense stretch of bipolar (which I defeated, using natural means, 9 years ago)
- And taking on high stress, low pay freelance jobs that brushed up against the use of my true potential but never fully tapped into it
You get the idea.
Always searching for my place in it all
Always desiring to just “go to work” like everyone else, but as a free man, beholden to none other than those whom I wish to help most.
Well, it’s all come to a sweet little point for me.
My greater understanding of the complexity underlying it all experienced a breakthrough this morning:
- I am “What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?”
- I am Personal Development
- I’m a pro at strengths identification and integration
- I am trauma recovery
- I am the inspiration to begin
- I am an example of how to create the faith to keep going
So far, this has brought the successful end to some mighty nasty problems and the successful beginning to a much improved lifestyle and outlook.
Then I rinse and repeat but at a higher level of comprehension and with expanded goals.
Not one damn bit of this is new to me
What is new is how I feel about this right now.
Calm. Solid. Peaceful.
And I know how to make my revelation useful to you guys who feel the same way I feel, but have yet to start, or are stuck in that same quagmire I mentioned above.
I want to bring this peace, with its related excitement, to whatever project you’re attempting to design and build, whether it’s an entity of some sort or just a better life.