I always used to say, “If there ain’t any chaos to respond to, then let’s go make some!”
My life used to resemble that of the arsonist firefighter. The first made sure the second stayed employed. I could only exist in a world of turmoil. “Normal” was a truly painful idea to me.
Years and decades later, this still holds true. But the temperature of it all has come way down. And I use these opposing ideologies for good now, instead of for harm.
My Root Center is defined. This means I work best when under pressure.
So true. I will lollygag around without acting on just about anything if there’s nothing to prod me into production.
Interestingly, and ironically, the Human Design folks tell me that my Root’s normal state is joyous and calm.
And I get this.
I strive to be these things as much as possible, regardless of circumstances.
The chaos is now more self contained than ever. And it’s mostly in the form of abstract threats, not physical ones. It’s more subtle. It’s gone underground. But it can still royally fuck with me from time to time and I can feel the Old Evil rising like bile in the back of my throat.
It’s sometimes a struggle to not let “that guy” back out of his cage.
I believe one of my biggest problems is when I can’t achieve this joyous state and then my heavy duty emotional side kicks in, pushing me into ways of fixing the lack of calm that will never let me actually achieve it!
More irony.
In a sort of middle ground wrap up, my chart tells me, and I concur, that whenever there is chaos in my life, I am built to handle it as if that is my normal.
When all others flee in the face of danger, I stay. I feel calm. I finally have a place to put all those other intense emotions.
Like they say, “God has a sense of humor.”
