(First published: Jul 14, 2007)
I SOOOOOO want to finish this list! One post after this and it’s done! But first…had quite a battle with Movie Maker trying to upload the last video I made. Couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t access this file inside MM when it shows up no problem when in My Docs.
I finally acknowledged that I did something different when I downloaded my camera. The files are not presenting the same way on my computer. They work direct but not in MM.
I was getting pretty upset and freely bandying about the really ugly curse word combos when I stopped and employed my own lesson. Relax. Who gives a shit?
I now know (sort of) why it’s not working. Just gonna be sure not to duplicate that error on the next try. I can easily bang out another 90 second video. Done! Stress vanished! This is how you gotta be guys.
Like I said, “I do my best to walk my talk.”
This is the path of the healing ways of The White Coats. Keep changing meds until the magic mix is achieved and the patient feels OK.
Yes, it does work sometimes. People can go years and feel fine, in fact.
But I seriously doubt that they’re giving any consideration to what all these pills are doing to their insides over the long haul.
Have you any idea of how much of these medicines is making it into the water system? Some of this crap does NOT break down. But it’s in you somewhere.
Others, like me, get momentary relief measured in days, weeks, or maybe a few blessed months but then the crash returns. Then the recipe changin’ begins anew!
I recently went online just to check a current blood pressure medication I take. I was able to access my past prescriptions.
In the last 7 years or so, I have been given over 120 separate medications!!!
I had no idea!!! I have been telling people that my meds got changed a lot but THIS much?
I can’t believe anything in my body still works right. Between street drugs, alcohol, and the psychiatrists, I really am not sure what keeps my heart going. But it’s been tested. It’s fine. Go figger.
There’s a scene in the cult flick “Dr. Caligari” where the cannibal is cooking up his teacher from the “Somethin’ or Other Home for Wayward Tots”.
Then the scene flashes just to him and he says in his most soulful child’s voice,
I was a wayward tot.
It’s a severely fucked up movie, hence, I love it. ANYhoo – I think about that whenever I flash on growing up as I did.
I was thrashed by my mom as a boy and when I got older and it didn’t hurt anymore, I was hit with objects.
The hitting didn’t bother me half as much as the constant chaos. I just wanted relief. I wanted the fighting to stop.
Many bipolar people have had the same youthful experience. It’s part of how I knew my illness was present forever. It’s too deep to go into here.
Just take my word for it. Oh yeah, we later learned that Ma had it too, plus major depression. This just adds to the volcanic eruption of bipolar symptoms that hit many of us later in life.
Shit. I gave up even trying to remember anything for a few years when this was at its worst. Impossible task.
- You forget your past before you were even symptomatic.
- You forget what happened last week.
- You forget what happened a moment ago.
It becomes frustrating as hell. You stop trying after a while. You shut down in this area too and the shutting down just adds to your isolation from everyone around you.
Your own head does this naturally and a lot of the meds shut you down so effectively that this is the result. You’re losing in a God given sense and a man made one as well. Good stuff!
Attempt alternate healing OK
Stick with me here, as I am all about alternate modes of healing.
Many people realize, as I did, that they’re fighting this thing forever and a day and not getting better. Probably getting worse or just not getting up to any sort of acceptable level of functioning.
So they get pissy and start looking beyond the scope of their doctor’s care. This is where it gets dicey.
Problem is, there’s no one answer.
There are many areas that must be addressed simultaneously. Folks don’t know this. They take some St. John’s Wort or some SaME, maybe some other batch of herbs, maybe yoga or some other exercise modality, maybe some meditation comes into play, etc.
Some of these things are worthy but you need the right combination. Some approaches are not good at all or they may actually harm you.
You need trustworthy products. You need something more than a scattergun approach. That’s where Kenny comes in.
I hit all of this in my book.
The grand search for self improvement
Oh me, oh my. The Internet, in particular, is just WAITIN’ for you to reach this point.
Sure. I’m lumped in here too, but I stand by what I know to be true and I can be found. Don’t care. I’m solid.
Anyway, I donated thousands to this cause. I must have read hundreds of self help books, bought tape and cd programs, kicked it around with Tony Robbins, on and on and on!
The sick thing is, a lot of this material is good stuff. It’s true and worth knowing, worth pursuing.
But the bipolar man/woman is attempting to run a foot race with one or both hamstrings cut. You’re reaching for the stars and you haven’t even figured out how to get up on your garage roof.
I’m not picking on anyone here. I have about ten years worth of degree-less college time spent on self improvement.
This right here is actually what I’m all about. You don’t NEED any more advice, pointing in the right direction, words of comfort.
- Measured by the big smile of contentment on your face.
- Measured by the lack of meds and doctor visits in your life.
- Measured by your obvious return to society, the rebuilding of neglected friendships, the ability to love and be loved in return.
You don’t need another seminar. You need what I got just as I did before I found it.
The photographer of this post’s featured photo: Jonathan Perez