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I learned a long time ago that if I was to survive–just survive–I’d have to burn down the Old Kenny to let the new version appear.
The old me was not up to the task of providing what only the new me could.
And burning down the Old Me scared the shit out of me
Yet, the process was already taking place whether I liked it or not.
I only understood this in retrospect.
Bipolar, and all the wrong decisions surrounding it, were the mental and physical manifestations of my old life crumbling all around me.
That whole story is chronicled throughout this site.
What I find interesting now is that I seem to be entering another cycle, similar to the last.
I’m struggling to meet certain goals.
I have the tools and resources to pull it all off. I have the body of work to give it all direction and references.
I can see the way forward, in many areas.
But I’m starting to understand that this current iteration of myself is not up to the task
The cool thing is, enough of me knows how to rebuild the rest of me!
So I’m going to have to start burning down again.
But this time, the flames won’t have to reach so high, or be so all consuming, to get the job done.
I’ve learned some things to keep the conflagration to a minimal: short lived, and only attacking very specific areas of my life.
Nothing like begrudgingly accepted personal evolution to keep a day poppin’, is there?
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Key Points:
- Bipolar Disorder was merely a symptom of an even larger problem.
- Before I created my system, my goal was only to survive the illness.
- I barely survived both the illness and the transition to wellness.
- I am entering another era requiring the burning down of at least portions of myself to get where I need to go.
- Knowing when to give up on a plan or hang in one more minute, will be one of the hardest questions for you to answer as you move forward on anything that matters most to you, yet isn’t showing much improvement.
- I’m “bipolar prone” not actively bipolar.
- I have parameters established, lines in the sand that I cannot and do not cross, that allow me to remain sane and well. But I often have to press up against those lines.
- I’ll sacrifice pretty much whatever it takes to maintain my life the way it needs to be kept to keep bipolar out of the picture.
- I’ve reached a point where I have to carefully step over a few of those lines, in order to grow.
- Figuring this all out is what will allow me to be of the greatest service to you who follow along.
- Learn to cultivate your Inner Witness.
- There’s no “right and wrong”. There’s only “is what I’m doing getting me closer to my goal or further from it?”.
- Burning down included my very life; I’ve been dead multiple times on two occasions.
- Two comas too! One for a few hours, one for two weeks.
- We’re all operating on a set of rules we learned as young children to feel safe in a world of adults. These rules become unconscious and harmful as we age.
- Learn how to let go of those parts of you that are holding back the better part of you.
- In order to evolve, you’re going to have to open your mind a bit, probably a bit more that you’ll find comfortable.
- You have to find what works best for you right now. Soak, evaluate, take another run at the next level.
Links:
- The Road: The burning down and the rebuilding of my entire life
- Human Design: Who you really are based on the placement of the celestial bodies the day you were born
- Jason Leister: Incomparable Expert
- Network Spinal Analysis: Teach your mind and body to talk with one another. Then watch what happens!
- Centerpointe: Meditation Technology from Bill Harris, the man who taught me about The Witness
- The photographer of the image at top: Daniel Tausis
